Why I Can't Sleep Tonight

     There are too many things to think about and I'm afraid that with the noise and nonsense that morning brings, they will get lost in the cracks of nothingness and everything. Who is to say where thoughts go once they leave our minds. Do they fizzle into non-existence? Are they just forgotten happenings? Synapses in our neural network that leave no trace behind? If so, why are some thoughts forgotten yet buried deep within our subconscious, only to be rooted out by a trigger or stimulus. Are they reborn - with those neural pathways finding their way home again? Or are they always there - each thought we have ever conceived - sitting idly, abiding its time, waiting to be remembered? Once you give life to them, they live and die with you.
     Think about all the memories you have had. Not just the major ones; the birthdays, funerals and milestones, but every single memory from the moment of your first breath up until your most recent blink. Every touch, smell, and laugh is wrapped up inside the folds of your mind, in the intense darkness of your subconscious. Always there, never forgotten. And you wonder why some people have excellent memories. The candles they carry into that darkness must burn slightly brighter than yours, but no two cracks, smiles, or oranges on a tree are ever the same. Your candle will be the brightest in the darkness that your thoughts call home and its light will be the only glow they will see. Just because your flame is fading doesn't mean those memories are not there anymore.
     So as I sit and chuck some thoughts, stray words, unfinished sentences, and broken things into the expanse of nothingness that is tethered to my soul, I hope that things will find each other like opposite ends of magnets do, and every once in a while a forgotten thought will be remembered. That it will fall into place, fill up a void, and mature with age like fine wine, to make more sense than it had before and lighten my mental load.

Goodnight