Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality - Emily Dickinson

     To live in hearts we leave behind

                                    Is not to die. 

                                  - Thomas Campbell

     I knew that eventually I'd have to get around to writing a serious post. One that dealt with deeper topics than obsessions and possessions. And this post is going to be the one. 
     I had read about Steve Jobs before. I knew all about his claim to fame, his modest background, his personal struggles - or as much as Wikipedia would tell me. There are times late at night when I find myself scouring the internet for random pieces of knowledge and it happened to be one of them. Like millions of people out there, I'm a fan of Steve's and an admirer of his brilliance. There are many innovative and successful people, but you rarely find someone who embodies a kind, wholesome human being to complement their genius. Steve Jobs was one such person. 
     I heard that he was stepping down from his position as Apple. It made me sad. It was clear that this man loved what he did. How painful must it have been for an artist to walk away from his gallery? I figured that he had other plans in mind and that those plans were, at the moment, a lot more important to him. Life went on.
     Then, I heard the news of Steve's death. It shocked me. I knew he was sick, but the shock is inevitable. It's like having a dead apple tree in your yard and knowing that it will be cut down. You see that empty tree everyday and you're prepared to see it fall. Or so you think. Because then one day, that apple tree is cut down, leaving behind a stump. And it breaks your heart. There's a wide open space where that tree had once blossomed. You can now see the clear blue skies it once hid, but you're not sure you want to. There are no more delicious fruits that brought joy when they scattered the branches. There are no more delicate flowers that littered your lawn. And every time you look at that stump, you're reminded of the beauty that once lived there and was taken away. 
     But that stump, it's a reminder. And even though the tree is gone you have the memories. You know how you felt when you saw it, when you ate fresh apples on summer days, and when you basked in the compliments  about its' beauty. I suppose that's what it feels like when you know of someone's death, but it still shakes you. 

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. – Irish Saying    

     They say that everyone in the world today is likely to know someone who has had cancer. If you are one of those who don't, appreciate your blessing. I can't imagine what it must be like for someone to know that their days are numbered. I can't fathom what it's like for their loved ones. My best friend is one of the strongest people I know. She's my support system, my anchor. But when her brother-in-law passed away from cancer, I saw her vulnerability. I felt like she was a raw image of herself, and it felt almost wrong to see her so broken.  

     I feel like we all live 90% of our lives being the person we want others to believe we are. We hide our insecurities, our fears, and our pasts because we all guard the deepest part of our souls. If someone sees you completely break down, that is it. There's no more depth to reveal; that person has seen your raw form. They have seen all the glamour, the personality, and the strength be stripped away from you. At that point, either they will love you regardless or they will be uncomfortable and leave. I feel like that's why we guard that part of us so well. It's the part of you that's true to you and there's nothing you can do to change it. The other 10% is when we let our emotions cleave their way into that part of our soul and we just..let..go. It's the hardest thing in the world; being vulnerable. But I don't think life can be lived without being that way at least once. 

     I am a private person, but I am not a closed book. I know the limits that I don't wish to cross, but I believe that life is worth sharing - in happiness and in heartbreak. Today I read the eulogy that Mona Simpson, Steve Jobs' sister, wrote for his memorial. I'm a sensitive person (I even cry at sad commercials) so I knew that it would touch me, but I can share with you that I've also been at her place. I can try explaining to you what it feels like to lose a brother, I could write novels, I could build a career on the subject. But nothing I do would ever do it justice. After losing my brother in an accident, I assumed that leaving suddenly is so much worse in comparison to knowing you're going to die. For one, there's no option for anyone to tell you goodbye. There are no arrangements, no promises, no last glances. One moment you're there - happy, alive - and the next you're a memory. You can't tell your little sister how she was your greatest friend or your little brothers to take care of each other. You can't hug your mom and tell her she made the best fried rice or tell your dad that you were proud to be his son. I held this assumption for years.
     But now, at 21, I really can't differentiate what type of death is worse. The truth is neither of them is better than the other. In her eulogy, Mona Simpson said, 

"We all - in the end - die in medias res. In the middle of a story. Of many stories."

I couldn't agree more.     
     Right now, one of my relatives is living what could be the last days of her life. She has children and grandchildren so her life has been a fulfilling one, but that doesn't mean she has no dreams. I don't know what gets her through the day, but it's the same thing that Steve Jobs saw when he laboured one more breath. Maybe it's knowing that you will be remembered at every moment you had wished to be alive for. Maybe it's knowing that even though there is no future for you, there is the possibility of a bright one for your loved ones. 
      Life would be nothing without loss; its' adversary. We will all experience it and there is no way to control it. So all we should ask for is courage.
The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next. – Mignon                                                                    McLaughlin 

     I hope that there will be a day when cancer becomes a thing of the past. As for me, my brother lives in every breath I take. He is alive as long as we remember him and no matter what anyone says, I will always answer "How many brothers do you have?" with "Three" instead of two. 

xo

You can read Mona's eulogy at http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/30/opinion/mona-simpsons-eulogy-for-steve-jobs.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1 

If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it - T. Morrison

     When people ask me why I love writing so much, I find it weird. Why do people walk? Because it gives them access to something in the distance. It makes something that's far away appear in their hands. Why do people talk? Because it allows them to communicate with other people and release the thoughts trapped within the confines of their body. And why do people breathe? Because it's an action that is essential to their survival. It let's us relax and gives us energy.
     It seems like exaggeration but in all honesty, writing gives me all of that as well. When there are fantastic worlds alive in my imagination, writing allows me to walk inside those worlds. It lets me pick up an object that was far away, examine it, and understand what I feel when holding it. I'm able to create something real out of absolutely nothing just by writing about where I've walked to.
     When you watch movies or read stories about places, characters, and a time period that takes your breath away, don't you wonder how on earth did someone come up with this? Different dimensions of beauty, terror, and life exist all around us, but they are not visible to the human eye. The grand hallways of Hogwarts and the roaming hills of Middle-earth would have never been seen if Rowling and Tolkien had not picked up their pens and written about them. Writing is the way in which someone can hold your hand and lead you into a hollow tree they have discovered, introduce you to the curious species of Nargles, or take you pear-picking in the kingdom of Genovia. 
     Whether it's in today's society or a century prior, writing has served the purpose of providing an escape. A beautiful release from the knots of reality. It's a tool; much like painting, playing music, or baking. We do it to let go of frustrations. We do it to take the emotions from within us and push them out of our bodies. If they're good emotions, we want them to make us glow and for world to see. If they're bad, we want to purify ourselves of them. Either way, these tools help us unwind, breathe, and inch towards our emotional homeostasis.
     We have all experienced wondrous magic at the hands of literature. For that we need to thank the writers who did not lose the objects of their imaginations to the realm of nothingness. We need to thank them for the time and effort they spent and all the rejection they faced. Without literature, how would we realize that we are all so similar in various different ways? It's hard for me to explain how much writing is a part of me or how it dragged me out of turmoil numerous times. I can't describe the elation I feel when my pen scrapes a word onto paper or when my fingers translate my thoughts onto a screen. It's one of those indescribable things that can only be felt to be understood. All I know is, if there is a story to be told, I need to tell it and if there is a thought that wants to be set free, this is the way to do it. 
     I love writing; it's a part of who I am. Without it, I would be a shell of a person, with a million thoughts rattling inside begging to escape. And really...who wants to be a human maraca?

Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. - Anton Chekhov

Must Watch: Hart of Dixie

     I have a TV addiction. I wasn't like this when I was younger, Magic School Bus and Arthur were the only shows I took the time to watch. But now, as my responsibilities have grown and homework has piled up, TV has become a sort of escape from it all. So naturally, the more work I have the more I procrastinate and indulge in show, after show, after show.

     My list is extensive and random. I watch everything from reality to drama to game shows. But recently I came across some amazing new shows that I've been following religiously ever since they premiered. Those include Once Upon A Time, Terra Nova, Up All Night, New Girl...and my favourite out of them all - Hart of Dixie. I'm so attached to this show now that I just couldn't resist writing a review and getting others to watch it with me. :)

     I knew I'd love Hart of Dixie from the start. First of all, the location is perfect! I love all things Southern and country and the small town of BlueBell fits that criteria perfectly (They even have a fake "blog" of the town on CW.com! How cool is that?) The pilot of the show was good...yet it lacked a spark. Nevertheless, I had a feeling this show had potential and so I kept watching and it paid off  :)

     The ambitious Dr. Zoe Hart (Rachel Bilson) is a young doctor from NYC who has inherited a practice in BlueBell. She aspires to be a cardiothoracic surgeon, but doesn't get a placement in NY because of her lack of patient communication skills. So Zoe's off to the South to live a life she never imagined she would. And of course, being a New Yorker, she sticks out like a pumpkin in a field of watermelons (haha, like my Southern-ish simile there?) She meets quirky and interesting characters there: Lavon Hayes (the mayor), Brick Breeland (the other doctor in town), Lemon Breeland (Brick's daughter), George Tucker (lawyer, ex-New Yorker, Lemon's fiance), and Wade Kinsella (the town's badboy), amongst others. 

     I love this show for its simplicity and charm. It's light-hearted, believable, and the small-town appeal will have you hooked. At times, it feels like you've warped back a few decades to a time where life was much simpler. The fact that Zoe is a cynical city-girl living in a town that values traditions and history, draws a clean comparison between the past and present. Along with Zoe, you start to realize that there is so much beauty in life that you fail to see when you're consumed by technology and pretentious habits. 

     All seriousness aside, Hart of Dixie is awesome 70% of the time thanks to the adorable outfits worn by Rachel Bilson and the fine ladies of BlueBell. The other 30%? Obviously the guys ;). I really hope Zoe ends up with Wade the badboy(!), but there's tension between George and her as well. Moreover, there's a developing story line of a possible past affair between Lemon and Lavon which the directors keep giving us a taste of. 

     The writers have done a great job of keeping the show true to its Southern roots and I love the witty/flirty commentary they've created between the characters. The characters themselves are very dynamic and I'm sure they'll grow even more intriguing as the season progresses. True...at times its very cliché, but everything about it is so endearing that Hart of Dixie is now one of my most favourite shows. I can't wait to watch it again next week :) 

The show airs Mondays 8pm on CTV-2.

All pictures are property of CW and Hart of Dixie.

The journey is what makes the end so sweet.

One of the Fairy Pools in the Cuilins, Scotland
(Paul Carroll from Scotland, flickr)

Sometimes its hard to remember that all the struggles and pain you  endure are just bringing you closer to the end of your journey. It's difficult to believe that the late nights, the frustration, the heartbreak, and tears are what will make you realize your dreams. It's hard. But once you get there, once that moment where everything falls into place is right in front of you, all those trials will make you smile and all those obstacles will let you breathe. You will look at your destination and feel happiness creeping up from your toes, into your heart, and all over your soul. And when you step into that moment, it will all be worth it.

"We, people's hearts, simply let life proceed, in its own direction, toward its own fate" - Paulo Coelho

Posters and Prettiness

Doesn't it have an antique flair?

     During the past week, there was a poster sale at my university. Poster sales are regular and welcomed occurrences each year. There are boards and boards of creative artistry displayed across the hall, generating the atmosphere of either a busy art gallery or a contemporary bazaar. Every single time I pass by the hall hosting the sale, I really can't help myself. The colors drag me off my feet towards them and I'm always spellbound. I tried to escape today by forcing myself to keep my eyes straight ahead. I had the exit locked in as my target and was totally in focus. And then I saw it.
     My eyes had only gone astray for about a second, but that was long enough for me to see the CUTEST landscape poster of a herd of African elephants. There was an adult elephant leading the way, with baby elephants following along behind her/him. It was so beautiful, so natural that it honestly took my breath away. And from that moment on, I was a goner.
     I spent about an hour roaming around the entire area, looking at every single poster, debating with myself about whether I should buy something or not. There were a lot of pieces I loved (those minimalist "keep calm and carry on" posters, some Van Gogh paintings, and scenic shots of Paris/New York), but I wanted to spend money on something that I would actually put up in my room. Something that would match my decor and pull my room together instead of making it look like a dorm. Eventually, I found two beautiful inspirational posters by Elizabeth Medley. Looking at the background collage of newspaper clippings and cursive handwriting, I was sold. (A picture of one of the ones I bought is at the top left) Medley has many other, nicer posters, but unfortunately the sale only carried two and you can find more online.
     I can't wait to place the posters in dark wood frames and put them up in my room :) In my opinion, inspirational quotes add a romantic touch to a room and they're a unique way to go in terms of decor. (I should probably add here that my friend found a set of 3 adorable, very colourful, posters with animal cartoons and quotes on them, and even though I fell in love at first sight, she reminded me that my room was not a nursery or a kindergarten classroom so I had to suck it up and move on :( *tear*)
     Shopping obviously makes everything worthwhile so my poster sale experience was a good one, but the posters are not all I got from it. Today, I also discovered a brilliant photographer by the name of Mandy Lynne. Her photographed posters were SO charming, I became a fan instantly!

   

     Lynne's style focuses on vintage, delicate, and country-ish images (love, love, and love) so her pictures might not fascinate everyone. The friend that I was at the poster sale with for instance thought they were "too girly"...so to each her own. But I absolutely love them and someday, somehow these photographs will have to find a way into my home. What do you think? Do they float your boat?

     If I had the chance to make one wish, every single moment would be like this - Rascal Flatts (Sunday Afternoon)

Photo credits go to Elizabeth Medley and Mandy Lynne

Midterms, be sweet to me.

If you're a university student, you're probably going through the mental/physical/emotional torture stress of midterms these days. Thankfully, I've just finished one today and have 2 more to go (and an essay), but I'm glad the waiting-for-exams period is over and the sooner they end, the better. Exams are horrible in general, but I find that every time they come around, I get this sudden craving for desserts. Not that I don't have that craving on an everyday basis...but definitely more so when buried under textbooks. 

I don't know how many of you are like me, but here's a sweet treat to motivate you all to study. (Let's be realistic...it'll probably make you stop studying and start craving, I'm sorry!)

Goodluck everyone!!!

Made to Braid

There's no other way to say it, I'm obsessed with braids. 

                   

 All hail my Fishtail
I love the complexity of this style, but it's extremely easy to do once you get the hang of it. Fishtail braids can be done to the side for a casual, everyday look or dressed up with ribbons and bows (right). It's definitely very popular this year. You can find a great tutorial at http://thebeautydepartment.com/2011/09/get-excited/

Let's do the Twist
How elegant is this look?? I absolutely love doing the twisted sister for the simple elegance it gives. This look is so versatile! It looks fabulous when paired with business-casual attire (for interviews or work) and is also a great option for parties and weddings. For a step-by-step demo go to http://thebeautydepartment.com/2011/06/pin-it-up-girl/.

A one-sided conversation

One-sided braids are on the cute side of the spectrum. They're simple and casual for the most part but like any other hairstyle, one-sided braids can be dressed up with accessories such as flowers, ribbons, or feathers. There are SO many ways to do a beautiful one-sided and these are just some of them.  The only sad thing is that if you have a darker shade of hair or one without highlights/lowlights, the complexity and different strands of the braid barely show.

Here's an easy waterfall french braid for which you'll find the tutorial at http://thebeautydepartment.com/2011/08/the-long-the-short-of-it/

This one looked really difficult at first glance but makes sense once you get the hang of it. You'll find a step-by-step tutorial here: http://thebeautydepartment.com/2011/08/braidy-bunch/

What's your favourite braid?     

Photos courtesy of Kristin Ess at thebeautydepartment.com and tumblr

What's with the blog title?

     Lists, lists, lists. Whether it's grocery lists or to-do lists, I love them. I don't necessarily follow them, but I definitely love making lists. It makes me feel as if I've organized a bit of my life somehow,  and being the most disorganized person ever, it's an awesome feeling. But why am I bringing this up? Because, lists are the reason for the title of this blog. You see, ever since I was little, I lived in the future. And by that I mean that I spent the majority of my days daydreaming about my future and what kind of a person I would become. I would see aspects of people that I really admired and with my imagination, I made a collage of those aspects to form what I believed I would become. When you're young though, dreams are always taller than reality.
     I know it makes me seem old and I never thought I would say this, but my teenage years are a blur of good and bad memories. When I look back now, I feel like that "moment" has arrived. The moment I used to daydream about when I was young. It's definitely time for me to start setting some goals, achieving them, and molding my life into what I want it to be.
     After my twenty-first birthday back in March, I didn't feel any dramatic life-altering change. I was the exact same person inside a shell that was twenty-one years old. Yet (maybe because of the media hype around this birthday being a hallmark), I felt like I was now responsible for what became of me. So I made a list.
     This list consisted of 21 goals that I had for the future. A lot of it was randomness, but it had things that I knew in my heart I wanted to have done in my lifetime. Don't get it twisted...it's not a bucket list. (Well okay maybe sorta kinda but there are MANY more things I'd put on my bucket list) What sets this list apart is that these are 21 things I aspired to do when going from a teenager to an adult. When I'm old and hopefully not grey, I want to be able to look back on this list and remember the dreams I had when my life was spread out before me. I hope that at that moment, I'll have reason to smile. I hope that I will have gone after all (or most) of those dreams.
     The beauty of childhood is the innocence it contains. We're all so oblivious to society, expectations, and hurdles. It's so simple for a child to see themselves being what they truly want to be whether it's a designer, a model, a pilot, or a baker. There are no trivial things such as loans, distance, or job prospects holding them down. When I was young, I wanted to be an author more than anything else. I still do and maybe someday I will become one. But then I realize that you don't "become" an author. If you write, if you write anything at all, you already are one. Writing this post is making me an author and keeping this blog will allow me to remain as one and keep the dream alive.
     Which brings us back to this blog. Why is it named Twenty-one Dreams? It's one of them. It's one of the things on my list.

xo Anum

To new beginnings...

Initially, I started out a blog after my twenty-first birthday to have a place where I could write whenever I felt creative, post randomness that inspired me, and basically waste other people's time :) . I had wanted to document every random, quirky detail of my life and every obsession. I needed something to pour my thoughts into that wasn't restricted by 140 characters (haha, Twitter). Unfortunately, three posts later, the server crashed and my blog was one of the many doomed to being eternally lost in cyberspace. I was so frustrated that I gave up on the initiative. After all the effort I'd put into creating that blog went up in virtual smoke, creating something from scratch again felt like an exhausting task. (Also...I'm lazy)
But it was an itch that wouldn't go away. So, here I am. I still need that space for all my thoughts to live and inspire and I'm so excited to bore you all with stuff I come up with :) They say that the third time's the charm, but let's hope not in this case.
So cheers! To new beginnings and the birth of my blog Twenty-one Dreams. 

xo Anum